GYP!


I think I have one of the most sensitive dogs, I am sure he could have become a guide dog for the blind or a hearing dog, if we had not rescued him when he was just a one year old puppy. The reason I am sure of it, is watching what he has starting doing here, at our home, for me!

 

I can no longer try and convince Mr G the pain is not so bad today, as Gyp is actually afraid of pain and will not come in to our room if it is a bad pain day. On other days, he tries so hard to be brave. He comes up on to the bed and gives me cuddles but he trembles and shakes the whole time.

 

The most amazing thing he has started to do is to take action if I have a black out. He will start barking or nudging Mr G, until he comes to check on me. Mr G has learnt the different bark he uses now. We are just amazed and so proud of him.

 

I would say that Gyp, my amazing dog, is now a part of the Carer’s team in our family. It really is astounding how dogs can help in so many ways.  Being the eyes for someone who has problems with their sight, being ears for someone who has problems with their hearing and helping people who have problems using parts of their body. They also become much loved family pets. I know I count myself extremely lucky to have Gyp watch over me and believe me I make sure he knows how much he is loved by everyone in the family. I could not resist letting you see how cute he is!

My sleepy puppy

 

Until next time, take care

Mrs G!

 

Ps. Had a rough week last week, really wanted a cigarette, but I managed to stand firm, so things are still going well and your support really helps me very much. So many thanks.

 

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Who Is That Person In The Mirror?


I found myself having to look in the mirror a few days ago, something I normally avoid at all costs. I looked in but did not have a clue who it was looking back at me.

 

The first thing I noticed was my eyes; they had lost the sparkle that was normally there. Then I looked at my neck, only to see I had no neck anymore. My goitre has swollen so much due to my Thyroid Gland not working properly anymore.

 

Then I saw my body and have to admit I cried. I had been told that some of my medications would make me gain weight. It did seem weird as I am hardly eating at the moment. They really were not joking about the weight gain and of course I cannot exercise very much at the moment. The pain makes it slightly hard and when I am outside, I am in my wheelchair and until I can get a stair lift, I am mainly marooned upstairs. So my exercise is walking to and from the bathroom once a day, as I use my commode in my bedroom the rest of the time.

 

So be prepared, something I never was, that some of your medications will change you on the outside, but as long as your mind and voice is still there, that is all that really matters to begin with.

 

I know as long as I have my mind and voice, I will try my hardest to keep talking and hopefully help at least one person and to let them know they do not need to go through anything alone.

Until next time, take Care,

Mrs G!

P.S. Still good news with giving up smoking. “Touch Wood” it will stay this way!!!

Down but don’t count me out!!


I know I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling a bit down but I am going to be honest to you and finally to myself that I have been very down.

 

There have been so many little things that I suppose have just gathered together and added to that the extra pain I have right now, that seems to have made me feel like this way.

 

Now I am writing about this I can identify some of the little things. With the beautiful weather we have, I have heard everyone outside sitting, talking with neighbours, family and friends. I so longed for it to be me just sitting outside, reading and writing. I also smelt, near dinner time as the heat lessened slightly, the bar-b-cues, and I could feel myself thinking back to having bar-b-cues ourselves or going to friends and family for a lovely night, sitting outside, eating and of course the best part, having a few glasses or even bottles of wine. I have to admit I really miss drinking wine. I also miss just jumping in the car with the kids and just going somewhere, and of course there are so many other things I miss.

 

I suppose what I am trying to say is that everyone who suffers from chronic pain will miss some things from their lives that they used to love doing but at the moment can no longer do.

 

Then we have the pain to cope with also. At the moment I am having a bit of a battle with my pain, but it is a battle I hope to win. I will not bore you with the details.

 

So when you add together the things we miss and the pain we have to fight each day, it is only normal that every so often we find ourselves feeling down.

 

I am trying my hardest to stop feeling the way I do and I think *touch wood* that with the baby steps I am taking, that soon, I will find myself not feeling as down.

 

I returned to Facebook this week and I would like to thank everyone for my warm welcome back. Hopefully my next step, going back to playing WoW, will happen very soon.

 

The point I am trying to make here, is this, Unpaid Carers, Family and Friends, do not be alarmed if your Caree, Family Member or Friend feels down, just keep an extra eye on them and although I am not a doctor, my prescription would be a lot more extra hugs.

Until next time, take care

Mrs G!

 

P.s Here is some good news, with the help of my SKYCIG, things are going well with my giving up smoking and fingers crossed it will stay this way. I will update you the next time I post. I also want to thank everyone who is supporting me. It really helps so very much.

Time To Stop……Please Wish Me Luck!


I have smoked for over 25 years, only stopping when I was pregnant. I always managed to slip back to smoking after my babies were born, even though I tried hard not to. I also managed to stop smoking about six months ago but when my pain got worse, I again slipped back to smoking.

 

I have finally realised that I really want to stop and waiting for my pain to lessen is a bit futile. So, I have taken the bull by the horns, I have ordered an electronic cigarette kit and I have a really good feeling, that this time I will actually do it, I will manage to stop smoking.

 

So the kit arrived two days ago, I have been getting used to the electronic cigarette, so still have been smoking the normal ones, although a lot less. I have been so surprised how easy it has been getting used to it and have not enjoyed smoking real cigarettes at all anymore.

 

I am about to smoke my last cigarette as I post today’s blog. I am 75% sure that this time, pain being high or not, I can give up smoking and I will put 110% work into making sure I do give up.

 

You may think this a strange post, but I am sure there are other disabled people, like me, in a lot of pain. However, they want to stop smoking but are worried like me, how they will cope with the pain they are in. Maybe by following how I cope with giving up will help.

 

I will add a small paragraph at the end of any future posts to let everyone know I am getting along. So here it goes, it’s 9.15am, Sunday, 11 August 2013 and I have just given up smoking.

Until next time, take care.

Mrs G!

 

When A Little Branch Appears….Hold On!


I have been really down and ill the past couple of weeks, hence why I have not posted as much. Touch wood, however, I think I have hit rock bottom and am starting to climb back up, I am trying not to go too fast, or I may end up crashing back down again.

 

Mr G and  I find ourselves childless for a few days, I think I let go of the I am fine girls honest sign and on the first day I slept on and off all day and night. It did me a lot of good.

 

I don’t know about any of you but my appetite grew legs and left me some time ago now. However, after my long, long sleep, I woke up feeling hungry. This was amazing as it has been so long since I actually wanted to eat. I had some sandwiches around 10am (ish) and then was totally flabbergasted, when around 6.30pm (ish), I again felt hungry, so again I ate. This eating thing is in the very early stages, as it has only happened the past couple of days.

 

I have jumped on to this tiny new branch and am holding on tightly. I really want it to work, for many reasons, one being my tablets may work better and another reason is my bowel may just stop being lazy and work properly again.

 

I am maybe thinking way too fast but just by feeling hungry, which to most people is natural, I can see so many ways it could help me. So I am now clinging for dear life on to this tiny branch, praying it will become stronger, which would make me just that little stronger also.

Take Care

Mrs G 

An Inspirational Man; Giles Duley!


I watched a documentary on Giles Duley last night. I was feeling pretty fed up as I had fallen again and everything ached. However after the first five minutes of the documentary, I was inspired and knew my next blog should be about Giles Duley.

 

He gave up being a fashion photographer, to travel the world and document the stories of the forgotten people. His travelling took him to Afghanistan, to take photos, not just of the injured soldiers but he also planned to take photographs of the injured civilians and enable their stories to hopefully be listened to more.

 

Whilst on foot patrol on one of his last days with the 75th Cavalry Regiment (United States) he stepped on an IED. From that moment on Giles Duley’s life changed completely, he suffered catastrophic injuries, losing both his legs and his left arm.

 

When he arrived back in Britain, he was put straight away into an intensive care unit. During his time in there he nearly lost his battle to survive on more than one occasion. It took quite a few operations over several months before he could even think about rehabilitation.

He went back to Afghanistan to finish what he started, to meet and photograph civilians who have been caught up in this battle also.

 

The inspiration of this man has happened in many ways. However, to me, it was helping a man keep up trying to walk on his two prosthetic legs. Before the end of the programme, the Afghan civilian was walking faster than Giles.

 

This a link to some of his work. I hope, like me, you find this man amazing with all the pain he must have coped with and maybe still does.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this

Mrs G.

Mr G’s Salon!!


My husband has learnt to do so many new things since my illness began, he is now, of course perfected the art of laundry, got fed up of my love of washing dishes, so we acquired a dishwasher. The art of folding and hanging his laundry to such a perfect degree, that my second love, ironing, is hardly ever required.

 

Mr G’s cooking in all reality beats mine hands down so damn much. His soup making, stews, roasts, bread making and to top it off his bloody jam making skills, make me so damn jealous.

 

His hunting down bargains while shopping also beat mine I am ashamed to admit. Unless he shops with our eldest daughter, his weekly shopping means I can actually save money!!

 

Now he has yet again excelled at another new talent, Mr G to my utter and total amazement, not only cut my hair, he managed to thin it quite a bit also.

 

Although he has amassed all the above new talents, his biggest and best new talent his being an unpaid carer. He finds this a shock that he is able too care for me. I however never ever doubted he could do this, as I have always trusted in him and please believe me that I have total respect in every unpaid carer.

Take care.

Mrs G.

Should we trust our Gp’s?


I thought my Gps were two female Doctors who job shared. I asked for these doctors especially and was assured they both would be named as my full time Doctors’.

 

 

However I have recently learnt that my named doctor is not the doctors I see but some doctor, whom I know of, but have not seen him in over 5 years. It gets worse, it seems that this doctor not only receives all the reports sent to my Gps’ but also writes all the reports asked for by many different agencies.

 

 

How on earth can I trust this doctor to write a true report about me when I have not seen him in ages and why do reports about me get sent to him to read?

 

Since I have started to write this blog I have to admit I feel braver. So I am going to write to another doctor within the same practise and ask that he be not only my named doctor but the only doctor, were possible, that I see.

 

I am so upset by finding this out that if the doctor I ask, cannot take on any new patients, I think I will have no other choice but to leave our practise and join the other Health Centre in my town.

 

So please, double check that your Gp is the one that all reports about you and that all reports asked for are written by the main doctor you see or at least one that knows you!

 

Take care

Mrs G.

 

The Visit!


So here I am sitting, consumed by nerves, because after four years of waiting and trying everything possible to make it happen sooner. Today is finally the day for my first social worker visit,  I just pray Mr G does not tell too many corny jokes.

 

There will be many things to discuss but again I pray that amongst the many things are the two major adaptations to the house!

 

Watching Mr G going around tidying, cleaning and hovering, I feel ashamed, embarrassed and hurt that I can do NOTHING to help him. Right now I feel totally and utterly useless and the lowest of the low.

 

What a surprise she is late and I am now visibly shaking with nerves. One thing I have learnt since becoming ill is you have to wait for everything.

 

Well now she has gone and she was such a lovely, warm, understanding person and wow everything has changed at the Social Work Department. I had to tell her my life story, so she could get to know me before I got ill and could also see if I meet the Social Work Department’s new criteria. Mr G and I were left with a form to fill out and return as soon as possible. Now we have to think of things that will make my life much better than it is right now. Then once she knows which way everything will go, she will come back and visit again and let us know if I meet their criteria. So be prepared for many more posts, I would love for you all to find out exactly what is going to happen also.

 

Until next time, take care

Mrs G 

Changes that can happen to your life.


Before I was ill, I was able to do so much with friends. Going out, helping at my children’s primary school, having coffee with friends. Attending family get togethers, being able to be at celebrations with family and also with friends.

 

 Then slowly, as I could attend less and less gatherings, the visits from family and friends got less and less. Phone calls also dried up as I could not concentrate on the phone more and more.

 

I recently got so excited when my in laws sent an invitation to their Golden Wedding Anniversary, I was so determined I would attend. I bought myself a new dress and hair dye to hide all the grey hair. Sadly I have to admit I will not be able to attend, but I will make sure Mr G and our youngest daughter will be there. I think our eldest daughter is taking a turn at Mummy-sitting.

 

Not being able to attend made me realise how little contact I have with friends and family any more. It is so sad but something I just need to deal with.

 

I have however made some extremely good friends from online gaming. They have known me since I have been ill and since I have gotten worse. They are always there for me, one more than any other. I have also made a new friend through Mr G and would be lost without her at times.

 

So be prepared, however not everyone loses as much as some, you may lose some friends but I know for certain you will make new friends, who may be able to understand and help you managed your pain and how to get through it one day at a time.

 

Until next time, take care

Mrs G

List of Possible Uses for Distraction Therapy!


Playing Solitaire with real cards or online, I play Forty Thieves to help me every now and then.

Knitting, Crotchet, Sewing, Tapestry, Cross Stitch. Drawing, Sketching, Painting, I can’t do any of these things, so I thought I might try an adult Painting by Numbers, slightly harder than the children’s version.

If possible you could try Baking, I can no longer do anything like that and felt a huge burden to my family, so I took over the finances, it helps lessen the pain for a little while but more importantly, I feel I am contributing slightly to helping the family.

Games on Facebook, keeping in touch with friends on Facebook, possibly tracing back down your Family Tree, learn more History from a period that interests you, collecting anything that interests you also.

Swimming can be a great help but beware some people experience feeling extremely heavy and severe pain on leaving the pool. If you are well enough perhaps learning Thai-Chi would be helpful also.

Singing and playing music or just listening to calming music can help. Reading, writing, this can be done in a variety of ways, writing letters to friends, writing fiction or more towards factual, writing poetry.

I find I get short pain relief by making lists of everything to be done the next day, I also found a way to bolster my spirits was to make lists of things I could do mainly alone but sometimes with a small amount of help from my carer.

Play board games with your carer, family or friends, for example: Chess, Backgammon, Trivial Pursuits, the list can be a long one. Meditation, if not known already is well worth learning, as it can be a great way of helping to relieve pain.

To begin with some of these things, as already mentioned may cause a degree of extra pain but if you feel that you are enjoying yourself it may well be worth continuing; the extra pain should not last too long. However if your pain gets a lot worse you may well have to stop.

These are just a few suggestions on things that may distract your pain. I really hope that they are of some use, even if it is just to give you an idea.

Until next time, take care.

Mrs G.

Ps. making this list not only distracted my pain but gave a couple of new ideas I can try. I am sure I will tell you about how it goes some time…

Want to know a secret?


I will be honest here and say I only started to play World of Warcraft (from now on known as WoW) to be able to understand at least one thing our then teenage son was talking about. I then got hooked myself and just had to keep playing. I then sadly got sick and found out that Yay, WoW actually helped reduce my pain whilst I was playing it.

 

I have played now for six years and the funny thing is my son stopped playing about three years ago but I just can not stop and don’t want to stop. I role play and think the reason it helps me reduce pain is because I immerse myself totally while playing. That just means I play in character the whole time, even when I am by myself questing, I will talk to my companion pet or hunter’s Pet if I am Triell, my main character who as you will have probably guessed is a hunter. I also talk away to the Npc’s , they are just characters the makers put in, they don’t talk back to me but I still talk away.

 

It is not just the fact that playing reduces my pain, I love playing this game so much as I can run, jump, be amongst other people, some of whom still don’t know I am disabled. I have made so many friends and some of them I have grown to love because their friendship is given unconditionally.

 

I am not saying that this will help anyone else but that you should try and find at least one thing that can take your mind off the pain you have to go through. I write, meditate and if it’s a good pain day I can normally concentrate on reading also. I will go and make a list of other things that may help you distract yourself from the pain and put it up on the blog as soon as I can.

 

Hope this has helped a little and will start work on the list straight away.

 

I hope you have a good pain day

Mrs G

Time to get back in the saddle however I feel!


It seems to me after all this time, getting worse, then slightly better and back to worse again, I really need and desperately want to get back to my friends and my biggest distraction therapy, playing World of Warcraft.

I know that rather than rushing it and playing as I used to do, I need to start slowly and work my way back to my normal playing hours.

Just in case you do not know about distraction therapy, click on the words and it will take you to a post all about it.

In a couple of days I am going to post again and let you know how I am getting on. Whether I am right or not about playing again.

I know the amazing guild, Vanguard of Valor, has quite a few new players, so I have to admit I am very, very nervous about going back. I just need to stop being silly, hopefully, and just get on with it.

Talk Soon

Mrs G!

You May Not Believe This But I Count Myself Lucky!


Yes I suffer massive pain, take countless medications, am a prisoner in my own home but I still count myself lucky. I look around at everything that is happening around the world and I could be in many situations that are worse than the situation I am in.

I could live in Syria and be surrounded by civil war; never knowing what is happening day to day.

I could be one of our many soldiers or civilian workers in Afghanistan.

I could be living in Iraq, amidst countless car bombings and suicide bombers.

I could be a homeless person anywhere around the world, never knowing when or if I would eat that day or get lucky and get a place overnight in a shelter.

But I am none of those things, I am a person who needs twenty-four hour care and am lucky that my husband gave up his job to become my full time carer and am lucky that all my children at one point have been young carers for me, at this moment our youngest daughter is filling this post.

I never ever wanted to be this ill and requiring care but I am, and I am extremely lucky.

As Carer’s Week draws to a close, I would like to thank my husband and children but also every unpaid carer whether they are young carers or a full time carer. We are all lucky and extremely grateful to have you and the outstanding care you give.

The Long Lonely Nights!


I am writing this at 6am after 5 horrible pain filled nights and I suddenly realised there must be so many people who are in the same boat as me. Bloody Hell, sleepless nights are bad enough for everyone, pain or no pain.

I managed to get to sleep the past 5 nights, but within an hour or two, the pain has woken me and I know there is no way I will get any more sleep. I try my hardest to do things to keep my mind off pain, but it seems so much harder, for me anyway, to cope when no one else is awake.

I think my problem would not seem as bad if I could play WoW, but at the moment I can barely cope concentrating on writing this. Maybe I should take the bull by the horns and just play no matter how bad I do it.

Mr G always tells me to waken him if I am having a tough time but I just cannot bring myself to do that. He does so much during the day that he needs to sleep at night. No matter how I feel I can never bring myself to waken him.

If anyone reading this has any good suggestions on making that long lonely night go quicker I would love to hear them and I will add them to this post. Sorry about my little rant but it has helped me get a weight off my shoulders.

Trying not to let pain rule my life!


The title of today’s blog is easier said than done, believe me. There are days, lots of days, were all I want to do is lie still in my bed, that way there would be not as much pain. However I cannot allow myself to do that, as it will just make the pain even worse when I eventually do move. So I gave myself things to do that would help me with the pain and allow me to break the day up, so I was not always in my pj’s.

The first thing I did was get dressed even though I knew I was not going out anywhere. This has really helped me to recognise day from night, as before I did not really watch the clock and felt the day dragged on forever. Were as now, the days seem much shorter, just by getting dressed.

I have also started to chant, be it out loud or in my head, whenever I am doing something that will cause me pain. I will be honest, I thought this would never work, but it works so well, for me at least and I hope others. You always tense up before you do something that you know will cause you pain and that can make it ten times worse. By chanting you relax your whole body and as you concentrate on the chant the pain does not seem as bad. If you meditate, like me, you could use a chant that helps you when you are meditating.

I was deeply unhappy and felt totally worthless within my family at home, as I could do nothing that I used to do. So I took over one thing that is very important to the whole household. I hold the purse strings. I know what we have coming into the house each month and I also know what has to be taken out before we can begin to think of any extras. Just by doing this I started to feel I was worth something and did my bit to help keep the family going.

Also Mr G and I sit down every morning and go over what needs doing that day and what we need shopping wise also. We also need to start doing a weekly family meeting, so that it is known when we need Mummy sitting done.

Everything I have talked about seems to cause more work and at the start that may well be true but it really is worth the time it takes and eventually you will think it takes no time at all as everyone knows what they are doing for that day and the rest of the week.

I am not saying that this will work for everybody, but it may help you to think of ways you can help yourself and your family.

I hope everyone has a happy Monday and a very good week.

Mrs G!!

Woke up this Morning


I woke up this morning and felt more with it than I have in ages. Long story short, I have had it bad for a couple of months. For the first time in a long time I felt nearly able to play WoW again. Just need to get my typing speed up, so that I can actually answer a question before we all go on to a new subject.

I did learn some new ways to handle things while feeling really bad. I am not saying these will work for anyone else but it may give you an idea that you can adapt to how you do things.

I found sleeping whenever the pain will let you helped a lot. I didn’t do this to begin with and I think I made it worse. I am going to keep this up for the time being also.

I was given these tips from my urologist nurse and they have worked so well for me. I have given up caffeine, yes I am a heretic. I have also stopped drinking fizzy juice and have diluting juice instead.

I never ever have an appetite so I was really not eating well, but I now force myself to eat a little at least twice a day now. I can feel my tablets working better when I do eat and I have to remember this every time I say but do I have to!

I for one have to admit I have lost a lot with being ill but there are some good things that I have come to cherish. I get extra time with my children, that if I was a normal Mum, I would not have. I also have so much extra time with my husband, although our relationship has changed so much. Thinking about it, it has actually made us stronger. Let’s just hope that he agrees with me.

This is difficult for me to write!


It is difficult for me writing this, as I am the person who is cared for by an unpaid carer. As you all know I am Mrs G, and what you don’t know is that I am disabled. Mr G, my amazing hubby is my unpaid carer. I literally could not manage without him and I have just realised I have not thought what would have happened to me if he had decided to leave.   I realise how very, very lucky I am.  Mr G does everything in the house, he cooks, cleans, shops walks the dog, empties and fills the dishwasher and also cares for me. If I have an appointment with my doctor or the pain clinic, he has to help me dress for that. Help me down to the car and then into the wheelchair and then off to see either our GP or my Consultant.  When back home again, the fun begins, we have the worst stairs ever, they cannot even fit a stair lift as they are so steep and the ledge is so very small. Climbing back up them after being out is not just bad, it’s horrific. But Mr G helps by telling me how well I am doing and if I am finding it too hard he helps by pushing on my bum, he does say climbing the stairs is horrible for me but has it perks for him.

He helps me change into my pj’s and at the moment I have bladder problems so I have to wear incontinence pants which he also has to help me put on. Don’t get me wrong, as I have said, I could not manage without him but I hate what he has to do sometimes. To begin with I could not even pee with him in the bathroom and I still cannot go for a number two with him there. Mr G has to  help me wash and when all that is done he helps me back into bed and it’s almost as if I make a switch and it’s my husband there and I can get cuddles and kisses, depending on his mood and mine. Mr G is not a moodie man but if you are woken pretty much every night then you will not be in the best of moods either. I try my hardest not to waken him but then if I have a wee trip and hurt myself, it makes it harder on him than if I had just asked for help to begin with. Well that is what he tells me.

What I have written above only scratches the surface and I will go into greater detail over my next few posts. Mr G takes care of the house, the dog, our daughters then me. He is paid an allowance for caring for me but in all honesty it’s an insult. It is time all unpaid carer’s are heard and cared for themselves. If I can only get one person to see what they have to do then I will be happy.

In all my other posts I will be open and honest as to how I am coping and if I have found any ways to help me cope with the pain.